Top 5 most annoying things about mobile phones!

Mobile phones may be great but they are also incredibly annoying for a huge variety of reasons.  Here are just some of our gripes with the humble mobile phone -

1.    Battery life – We’ve all been through this one.  You get your phone out of your pocket to make an important call but the battery is flat.  The massive explosion of rage inside your head sends nearby pets scurrying for cover.  Maybe we shouldn’t spend so much time browsing Facebook on our phones but if you’re going to make a phone capable of internet browsing at least have the common decency to give the handset a battery that can handle internet use.

2.    Contracts -You’ve been seduced by that shiny touchscreen number in the shop and the sales person is very friendly but just as soon as you sign that dotted line you realise that you will never escape the evil clutches of the mobile phone networks.  Now for the best part of TWO YEARS you will be paying what seems like the equivalent of the UK’s gross national debt.  Contracts are ridiculously hard to get out of and if you have been sold a bad tariff you are in for a world of hurt.  It’s enough to make you want to throw your shiny new phone into the face of that smarmy young sales person (who, incidentally are not so nice to you once they’ve made you sign your soul away).

3.    Addiction – Once you have a mobile that is it.  They are harder to give up than cigarettes.  Even leaving your phone at home will bring you out in a state of apocalyptic panic.  Remember the days in your youth when you weren’t tethered to an uncaring piece of plastic?  We don’t want to get all wistfully nostalgic but surely it was better when you didn’t have to take calls from people trying to flog you something at all hours of the day.  As a society we are totally addicted to the mobile teat.  Not having a mobile in this day and age is akin to suffering some sort of social lepracy, so you’d better sign up or get out.  In the future non mobile people will be forced to live in sewers as they slowly plan a grand insurrection against those who live above ground.

4.    Text speak – In what amounts to the slow death of the English language, text message language has slowly started to seep into common usage.  A future where newspaper columns ‘r writn lik dis’ surely cannot be far away.  That text from a friend that you need a cryptogram to understand is just the start.  Soon we shall all be cajoled into communicating in a sort of idiotic micro speech.

5.    iPhone owners - Yes the iPhone is a fantastic device.  Yes the apps are great.  Yes it looks nice.  But do non iPhone owners really need to be looked at with a mixture of pity and disgust every time they get their phone out?  iPhone owners are like some moonie- esque techno cult.  They even have the same beatific expression of the freshly brainwashed cult member.  We suspect the next time a comet flies past they’ll believe it is a sign from Steve Jobs.  We can picture them now, clad in tattered white robes praying for the next iteration of their overly expensive device.